Get all 33 The Legendary Ten Seconds releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of The Keeper Did a Hunting Go, Songs About Devon, Jules Jones, The Musical Almanac, Sagas of the South West, The Pageant of Torbay Part Two, The Pageant of Torbay Part One, The Acoustic Almanac, and 25 more.
1. |
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All he wants for Christmas is a Mellotron
So I’ve written this song for Lord Zarquon
The Moody Blues had one and he wants one too
Though they’re expensive you know that’s true
He’s got lots of keyboards but you’ll hear him complain
That the price of a Mellotron is rather insane
Please can Lord Zarquon have a Mellotron
He’d play the damn thing all day long
The Moody Blues had one and he wants one too
Though they’re expensive you know that’s true
He’s got lots of keyboards but you’ll hear him complain
That the price of a Mellotron is rather insane
Dear Mrs Zarquon you could take out a loan
Or perhaps a large mortgage on your home
A Mellotron you could then buy
And great tears of joy you would see him cry
He’s got lots of keyboards but you’ll hear him complain
That the price of a Mellotron is rather insane
All he wants for Christmas is a Mellotron
I’m singing all about in this this song for Lord Zarquon
The Moody Blues had one and he wants one too
Though they’re expensive you know that’s true
Oh yes they’re expensive you know that’s true
They’re so expensive you know that’s true
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2. |
61st Birthday Song
03:07
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Here’s your sixty first birthday song
And all of your family can sing along
We’ve put some rubbish in your new bin
Please don’t get upset when Crystal Palace win
Your filofax is kept up to date
With historical events you can celebrate
And the Crystal Palace fixture list
All of these things must not be missed
Here’s your sixty first birthday song
And all of your friends can sing along
You’re getting older but not getting fat
And you look so dashing wearing my cravat
Your desk is tidy but you’re not up straight
When you go to yoga during your lunch break
Your pride and joy is your old stapler
An antique piece like your calculator
Bring back Breeze Sounds for your birthday party
Forget yoga and take up karate
The sounds of that disco would be really cool
I hope this wouldn’t be the source of ridicule
Here’s your sixty first birthday song
And everyone at Charlton can sing along
Your special work chair cost a packet
Much more than my fire marshal jacket
Here’s your sixty first birthday song
And everyone at Exmouth can sing along
Don’t forget your desk is the bank
And the blocked workflow septic tank
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3. |
Hair Loss 2000
00:37
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Don't worry if you're going thin on top
You need Hairloss 2000
Hair replacement gel just slap it on
You need Hairloss 2000
Your bald patch will disappear
When you use Hairloss 2000
You can throw away your toupee
When you use Hairloss 2000
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4. |
God Help Lord Zarquon
02:28
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To Torquay he travelled
Testing his patience with Sir Ian’s songs
Into a basement to be thrust
Bravely mixing until dusk
Making albums was his aim
To sell for financial gain
As a musician he tried
With Sir Ian’s songs he cried
On his motorbike see him ride
No more songs please you hear him cry
God help Lord Zarquon
Lord Zarquon of renown fame
In the studio cemented his name
Hundreds of songs he’s recorded
More songs from Sir Ian to be avoided
On his motorbike see him ride
No more songs please you hear him cry
God help Lord Zarquon
Under Sir Ian he served
Fame and honour he deserved
With Mellotron sounds he played about
To save a new song without a doubt
On his motorbike see him ride
No more songs please you hear him cry
God help Lord Zarquon
God help Lord Zarquon
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5. |
Shazam in Kazakhstan
02:37
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I'm plagiarising myself
Not the work of someone else
And I had a shazam in Kazakhstan
A shazam in Kazakhstan
How do you spell Kazakhstan
I want to tell you about my shazam
Shazam was an album by the Move
Beautiful daughter has a beautiful groove
I'm plagiarising myself
Not the work of someone else
And I had a shazam in Kazakhstan
A shazam in Kazakhstan
I'm not clued up about a shazam
I was told that I had one in Kazakhstan
My songs have been heard in Australia
But not at all in Venezuela
I'm plagiarising myself
Not the work of someone else
And I had a shazam in Kazakhstan
A shazam in Kazakhstan
A shazam in Kazakhstan
A shazam in Kazakhstan
A shazam in Kazakhstan
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6. |
Graham's Tax Return
01:56
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Graham's completing his tax return
Dreaming of the money he could earn
Tax returns are extremely boring
With the thought of it he can't stop yawning
Tax return tax return
Graham's completing his tax return
Graham's not completed his tax return
When will he ever learn
To get it finished straight away
Rather than leave it for another day
Tax return tax return
Graham's not completed his tax return
Tax return tax return
Graham's not completed his tax return
Graham's got the tax return blues
This next line will rhyme with news
Tax return blues such bad news
Tax returns are a fuss and bother
He'd rather paint another album cover
Then some money he would earn
Which would then require another tax return
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7. |
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Graham was a greedy landlord
Who charged extortionate rent
He owned lots of properties
Throughout the county of Kent
He had a very lavish lifestyle
And owned a fast sports car
Dining at expensive restaurants
With champagne and caviar
Graham was a greedy landlord
Who charged extortionate rent
His tenants were caught in a poverty trap
Of this they would often lament
He went on expensive holidays
Drinking cocktails in the sun
Dreaming of his rents rolling in
Always looking after number one
Graham showed no mercy
If a tenant couldn't pay their rent
He'd kick them out right away
Into the street they were sent
Graham was a greedy landlord
Who charged extortionate rent
He owned lots of properties
Throughout the county of Kent
He had a clever accountant
So he never had to pay any tax
With complicated trust accounts
He would always cover his tracks
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8. |
Brian's Terrible Tenants
03:18
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Brian's last tenants were really bad
To see the back of them he's so glad
I'd better not write a song about this
As it might get him into trouble
He's lucky that his house is still there
They could have left behind a pile of rubble
She worked in a kitchen at a top hotel
She left the oven in an awful state
It took a whole day to clean that oven
Having her as a tenant was a huge mistake
Brian's last tenants were really bad
To see the back of them he's so glad
I'd better not write a song about this
As it might get him into trouble
He's lucky that his house is still there
They could have left behind a pile of rubble
I don't think that she owned a hoover
And her partner was a repair man
He broke more things in six months
Than were broken since time began
Brian knows a good plumber
Who fixed the broken shower
And the damage caused by those tenants
Left a bad taste that is quite sour
Brian had to pull up loads of weeds
They left the garden in an awful mess
All that dog pooh in the grass
Left him with a feeling of great distress
Brian's last tenants were really bad
To see the back of them he's so glad
I'd better not write a song about this
As it might get him into trouble
He's lucky that his house is still there
They could have left behind a pile of rubble
To write this song you should really know
That I've gone to a lot of trouble
He's lucky that his house is still there
They could have left behind a pile of rubble
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9. |
Forgotten Password
03:07
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I might need to write another song
About some things that I think are so wrong
It might be one about Richard the Third
Or my most recent forgotten password
When I tried to log into Facebook
I was disabled using Microsoft Outlook
So I thought I’d send a quick email
But my computer is as slow as a snail
I might need to write another song
About some things that I think are so wrong
Against all the frauds we should be united
Of scams on the internet you know we are blighted
When I tried to log into Facebook
I was disabled using Microsoft Outlook
So I thought I’d send a quick email
But my computer is as slow as a snail
I could write a song about anything
And all the misery that the fraudsters bring
I need lots of passwords because of them
And all of them I hate and condemn
I might need to write another song
About all the things that I think are so wrong
It might be one about Richard the Third
Or my most recent forgotten password
When I last logged onto Twitter
The tweets about the Tudors made me feel bitter
I feel so sorry for Richard the Third
And I still can’t remember that flaming password
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10. |
Song for Alex
02:25
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Alex is going to work in Gloucester
Good customer relations he will foster
He's still quite young and a bit of a swot
And Exeter branch will miss him a lot
In the summer he plays cricket
When he drinks too much beer he's on a sticky wicket
Many pints of Doom Bar he has bought
Aston Villa is the team that he loves to support
Alex is going to work in Gloucester
Good customer relations he will foster
He's still quite young and a bit of a swot
And Exeter branch will miss him a lot
At work his desk is quite untidy
With paper everywhere by the time it's Friday
The cleaner would like to chuck it in the bin
Just look at the mess where does she begin
Goodbye Alex what will I do
My computer problems were solved by you
Alex is going to work in Gloucester
Good customer relations he will foster
He's still quite young and a bit of a swot
And now he’s been replaced by Scott
Now he’s been replaced by Scott
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11. |
Santa was Grumpy
02:36
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Santa was grumpy on Christmas Eve
His Elves had too many tricks up their sleeves
Somehow they ended up in a fight
Delivering Christmas presents all through the night
Ho ho
Ho ho ho
Bah humbug I hate all the snow
Santa’s feeling grumpy on Christmas day
He’s got a bad back after riding on his sleigh
You know he had a late night
Got stuck in a chimney on the Isle of Wight
Ho ho
Ho ho ho
Bah humbug I hate all the snow
Santa’s feeling grumpy on Boxing Day
All of his reindeer have run away
He ran out of hay so they told him where to go
They’re somewhere in Lapland enjoying the snow
Ho ho
Ho ho ho
Bah humbug I hate all the snow
Ho ho
Ho ho ho
Bah humbug I hate all the snow
Santa got drunk at the party last night
It was New Year’s Eve he was high as a kite
Now he’s hungover please get him a bucket
Roll on next Christmas he’s going to throw up in it
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12. |
His Lordly Status
02:16
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Lord Zarquon is his stage name
With it he hoped to find fame
On Facebook his lordly status was removed
His request to reinstate it was refused
The gods of Facebook they did sit
To pass judgement as they saw fit
As Mike Zarquon he is now known
The loss of his title made him moan and groan
As Mike Peakman he likes karate
This keeps him fit, hale and hearty
On Facebook his lordly status was removed
His request to reinstate it was refused
The gods of Facebook they did sit
To pass judgement as they saw fit
As Mike Zarquon he is now known
The loss of his title made him moan and groan
The gods of Facebook they did sit
To pass judgement as they saw fit
As Mike Zarquon he is now known
The loss of his title made him moan and groan
His lost lordly title made him moan and groan
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The Legendary Ten Seconds Torquay, UK
The Legendary Ten Seconds started off as the solo music project of Ian Churchward during the time when he was the lead guitar player of The Morrisons who were featured on John Peel's radio one show back in 1987. In 2013 Lord Zarquon joined Ian's music project and since then the line up has gradually expanded and various guest musician's and vocalists have helped out in the recording studio. ... more
The Legendary Ten Seconds recommends:
Solstice
by The Prophets of Zarquon
Because it features the mighty Lord Z
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